Conflict is a normal part of the workplace and is not always a negative thing. It can arise whenever there is miscommunication or a difference in ideas or opinions between two or more people. Avoiding conflict may seem like the easiest way to deal with a potentially uncomfortable situation, but it will likely not go away—and may even cause the conflict to escalate.
If conflict is dealt with proactively and effectively, the conflict can be resolved, and the work you put into this resolution can also lead to professional and personal growth. Developing effective conflict resolution skills is an essential component of success in the workplace.
How can you effectively deal with conflict? Here, you will find helpful strategies for resolving conflict and learn more about conflict styles. It is important to note that there are some moments when conflict can turn into harassment. In this case, you should seek support immediately from a supervisor/manager, mentor or outside support. For students in co-op, your co-op advisor can work with you to navigate the situation. Learn more about your safety and rights at work.
Many conflicts arise from misunderstandings or breakdowns in communication (Varma et al., 2021). Be proactive: clearly communicate your intentions to others. You may simply be trying to help a colleague, but they may interpret it as you thinking they can’t do it themselves. Don’t assume they will know the intent behind your actions.
Despite best intentions and efforts, sometimes conflict can’t be avoided. Approaching conflict directly in a constructive manner is important as it prevents tension from building in severity and magnitude. Let’s look at some important strategies for de-escalation.
Strategies
Develop a plan
What do you need to do to resolve the conflict? Think about past successes in resolving conflict. Determine the steps needed in this situation and develop a plan. Write it down. Then, follow through with it: keep yourself reliable and accountable. This will lay the foundation for having strong conflict resolution skills.
If you have an issue with someone, consider going to them directly first if it feels safe. When someone shares their concern about a co-worker with another co-worker rather than discussing it with the person they have the conflict with, the conflict can worsen. If you are uncertain about how to deal with the situation, it may be appropriate to get advice from your supervisor/manager or a trusted person in your network.
Have an open mind
Speaking with your co-worker while maintaining an open mind is crucial. Actively listen to their point of view and perspective before you form your own opinions and judgement. When it is your turn, calmly explain how you see the situation and how it makes you feel.
Focus on the situation
It is important to focus on the situation itself – not the person. Focus on the facts, actions and events that have happened. This allows the other person the opportunity to see the role they have played in the situation and, perhaps, change their attitude and behaviour.
Tip: State…. “When you say x, I feel y and this results in z.”
How you see the situation
How it makes you feel
The resulting impact of the situation
This helps to avoid the appearance of blaming, which often results in defensiveness—a barrier to resolution.
Recognize that many people, in the heat of the moment, can say things they may not necessarily mean, or they may come out more harshly than intended. If you need to, leave the situation and return when it feels comfortable. This allows you to gather your thoughts and composure before engaging in a constructive conversation.
Be an active listener
When approaching a disagreement with a co-worker, it is important to be an active listener. When explaining their point of view, listen more and say less. This allows you to fully understand the situation.
Do not listen with the intention of coming up with a response to disprove their point. Rather, listen with the intent of trying to understand their perspective and empathize with them.
Be sincere
One way to quickly de-escalate the situation is to show that you genuinely care and want to resolve the conflict to the satisfaction of both parties. Most people just want to feel heard and understood. When this is achieved, barriers to resolution, such as defensiveness and frustration, often dissolve.
Compromise
Let’s face it: we can’t always have our way, and we may need to meet in the middle. It ultimately comes down to whether you value being right versus whether you value the relationship that you have with your co-worker. Consider the extent to which the relationship is at risk. Ask yourself questions such as, “How important is this issue to me, and is it worth damaging or losing a relationship?”
Sometimes, they’re right...
There will be times when it becomes apparent that the fault lies with you. When this happens, it is important to acknowledge your mistake and apologize. Don’t try to come up with an excuse or place blame elsewhere. Instead, you should make an effort to apologize genuinely.
If you do feel that you made a mistake and would like to apologize for something, consider how to make an effective apology. An effective apology will incorporate as many of these elements as possible (Grabmeier, 2016):
Say that you’re sorry and express to the other person that you regret what has happened. It’s important that the other person perceives this expression as authentic.
Explain what went wrong. It is important not to make excuses and to be honest about what happened.
Acknowledge and take ownership of your mistake.
Make it clear that you intend not to repeat the same mistake again.
Explain to the other person how you will fix the mistake and/or repair the relationship.
Ask the other person to forgive you, but do not expect or demand that they offer their forgiveness. Whether or not a person forgives you is up to them to decide, and you must respect their right to forgive or not forgive.
Seek support
There may be moments when a conflict is not possible to diffuse alone. After trying to resolve the conflict on your own, seeking support from your supervisor can be an option, especially if the conflict is ongoing and affecting your work experience or productivity.
Conflict styles
There are five different conflict styles. An outline of these five styles appears below(Kłusek-Wojciszke & Grodzicki, 2018), along with a brief discussion of the benefits and drawbacks of each style. A collaborating style is considered to be the most effective in many scenarios (Shonk, 2024).
Avoiding
A person using an avoidance conflict style will evade the conflict or postpone discussing it. They may avoid talking to the person they have a conflict with and choose not to voice their concerns or frustrations.
Benefits: This style can be appropriate when the issue is trivial or you need more time to think about it before discussing it with the other person.
Drawbacks: The conflict remains unaddressed, and this may lead to a build-up of negative emotions in the person who is avoiding the conflict.
Competing
An assertive or aggressive approach to conflict characterizes this conflict style. A person with this style pushes their own viewpoint and discredits the perspectives of others. A person with a competing style takes a firm stance on an issue and refuses to change their mind.
Benefits: This style can be useful if you need to defend your rights or argue against something morally wrong. It is also useful when a quick decision needs to be made.
Drawbacks: This style does not allow for the possibility that the other person may be right and risks damaging the relationship.
Accommodating
A person with an accommodating conflict style puts the concerns of other people above their own concerns and abandons their own needs or desires to satisfy the other person(s).
Benefits: This style is useful when the issue is not a major concern for you and can be used to maintain a harmonious relationship with the other person.
Drawbacks: You may feel victimized since your own concerns are not being acknowledged by the other person.
Compromising
A person with a compromising style tries to find a solution that can be seen as the middle ground between the two sides. Both sides are left partially satisfied but also partially dissatisfied.
Benefits: This strategy can be used when a deadline is approaching and a temporary decision needs to be made to help move beyond an impasse.
Drawbacks: May lead to poor results.
Collaborating
A person with a collaborating conflict style looks for a solution that will address both people's needs. Rather than the middle ground approach of the compromising style, the collaborating style looks for a satisfying solution that both parties can be happy with.
Benefits: This approach encourages better teamwork, maintains positive relationships, and leads to stronger results. It incorporates all perspectives into the solution.
Drawbacks: This approach can be time-consuming and requires a lot of effort to reconcile the differences between people in conflict adequately.
Conclusion
How you view a conflict situation is key. Look at conflict as an opportunity to grow rather than something to avoid. It gives you the chance to broaden your workplace knowledge by seeing and understanding the perspectives of other people. This helps you develop stronger teamwork skills and increases your ability to empathize with others. Also, since conflict is common in the workplace, you will become more effective at resolving it.
Should I stay or should I go?
Sometimes, even an anticipated dream job doesn’t work out for one reason or another. If you question whether this is the right job for you, consider whether you need to make the decision immediately. Sometimes, it can be beneficial to give yourself and the organization time to get to know each other because first impressions, while formed quickly, aren’t always accurate.
Depending on the situation, you might want to meet with your manager to discuss your concerns. If your concerns relate to the duties of the job itself, there may be room to alter them. If, on the other hand, your dissatisfaction stems from incompatibility between you and the organizational culture, you may need to move on. Be as diplomatic and positive as possible when communicating your decision to leave so that you depart on the best possible terms.
If you are in a co-op or work-integrated learning experience, consider whether you can make the best of the situation, as you are there for only a short period of time. It could be useful as a learning experience, and you can note what to look for or avoid in the future. An exception to this is if your concern is related to harassment, discrimination or another serious situation. In any of these scenarios, you should seek support immediately. You can speak to a Career Advisor for support, and if you’re in Co-op, your Co-op Advisor can work with you to navigate the situation.
Resources for University of Waterloo students
Offered by the Centre for Work-Integrated Learning.
PD 7 Conflict Resolution provides more in-depth information on the topic of conflict resolution.
PD 3 Communication focuses on effective communication in the workplace—which can aid in preventing conflict from arising in the first place.
Resources for all
Conflict – Use it, Don’t Defuse It (TED Talk, video)
14 Ways to Approach Conflict and Difficult Conversations at Work (Forbes article)
References
Grabmeier, J. (2016, April 12). The 6 elements of an effective apology, according to science. Ohio State News. https://news.osu.edu/the-6-elements-of-an-effective-apology-according-to-science/
Kłusek-Wojciszke, B., & Grodzicki, J. (2018). Balancing of self-interests versus other-interests and five styles of conflict resolution. SHS Web of Conferences, 57, 1018-.
Shonk, K. (2024, July 2). Conflict-Management styles: Pitfalls and best practices. Program on Negotiation, Harvard Law School. https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/conflict-resolution/conflict-management-styles-pitfalls-and-best-practices/#:~:text=A%20collaborative%20negotiation%20style%20is,types%20of%20conflict%20in%20management .
Varma, S. B., Zainal Abidin, N. S., Amir, N., Sukimin, I. S., Nadri, H. N., & Rahmat, N. H. (2021). Workplace Communication Hindrances: The Contextual, Structural and Behavioural Factors. International Journal of Academic Research in Business and Social Sciences, 11(9).